The Legend of Zelda:Tactical Espionage Action
by Kirbilius Clausius
Summary: Some legends were meant to die.
1. Zelda

1

In a soulful, mourning tune-

"Link, he come to town.

Come to save...the princess Zelda.

Ganon took her away. Now the children don't play.

But they will, when Link saves the day."

2

Light Link looked down on the expanse beneath him. He was rapelling down a cliff, with only a hook shot between him and a klick of sudden drop. His cap danced in the wind. His green with brown trim Hero's Tunic barely camoflauged him against the mossy rock.

3

"You'll have two primary mission objectives.", the king had told him. "First, you're to rescue my daugther, the princess Zelda. Secondly, you're to find out whether or not the terrorists have a triforce, and do whatever it takes to keep them from using it."

"As always, this is one man sneaking mission. All weapons and other items are OQP (on quest procurement)."

"Stand between you and your objectives is the usual list of psychotics. Only this time, it's your former unit. And one that was once loyal to the crown."

"Garak the Goron. Strongman and master craftsman."

4

The huge Goron carried what seemed to be a coffin above his head, while staring down Link.

"Do you know what this is, Light Link?", Garak spewed. "A blade of my personal creation. I have the strength of a dragon's breath. I have the heart of a raging volcano. And in my dreams this blade whispered to me. It told me of your death. Of your suffering."

Lava flowed along the edges of the room, blasting a heat that made Link thankful for his red Death Mountain Tunic. The Goron tore open the steel case, revealing an enormous blade of unsung metal. "Die Link!", he yelled as he raised it.

3

"Faith the Fairy, psychic and combat medic."

5

"Don't you think I'm cute any more, Link?", the bobbing light teased. "You did back when I was saving only the people you let me out of my bottle to save. It's not that I'm a terrorist. It's not under your control."

3

"Zee the Zora, aquatic search and destroy."

6

The Zora backpedaled along the surface of the water, somewhere between a dolphin and a miracle. The hatred he had in his soul was all to apparent.

"None of you ever respected us.", he called out. "We gave you water. We gave you life. And all you could do was command us to build water temples, and clear canals and for what? More enslavement?"

The Zora leaped as if he was diving into the air from out of the water, then fell back with the barest hint of a splash.

"Now I'll show you why the land is merely land, and the Great Sea is great."

3

"Tasha the Twili, damned demon."

7

A beautiful woman with deathly grey skin and shining fangs danced around Link. Every time he took a step in her direction, a mystical force tugged her away.

"ah ah ah...", she cautioned. "You can look but you can't touch. Because if you do, I might just remember how very sinful I can be."

3

"Milo the Minish. Infiltration specialist."

8

Link crawled around on the ground, coughing. He heard the yelling in his head. "What's the matter, Link? Cat got your tongue. Or does the Minish diminish?"

Laughter echoed as Link rolled over.

3

"And their squad leader. The only being with the same name as you. Dark Link."

9

Link called out. Who was this thing? Why was he calling him brother.

The silouette replied with the same anger. That he was him. That he was his shadow.

10

Zelda hung her head and clenched her fists. "I never wanted to be a princess. But I was born that way. People don't choose their lives. Life chooses them. And if I have to suffer so that others don't, then I will and don't you make me try to give that up. They won't break me of my soul!"

11

From the fan fic author of "Wanna go somewhere and talk about it?" and "Legend of Zelda:Summit of Peace", comes a fusion of Zelda and Metal Gear.

12

Link looked into the glowing red eye. This streamlined suit of armor moved his sword between them. Link inquired its identity and it responded.

"I'm like you.", it began in a cursed mechanical voice. "I don't truly speak."


	2. Mario Bros

It's 1986 and I'm in the first grade.

I'm workin' really hard to get Mario laid.

1

Bowser's voice droned in his ears. "We just received a message from Princess Peach Toadstool."

"The leader of the Mushroom Kingdom?"

"Yes.", the Koopa king continued. "Apparently the threat since the Smash Wars has escalated. She's going to be announcing the completion of a truly historical weapon. The only intelligence we have is a two word message from one of our operatives before he was captured...Metal Gear."

2

"I'm not any ordinary Mushroom Retainer.", the vest wearing opponent told him.

"Watch out!", Bowser screamed in his CODEC. "That's Toad, the most experienced M.R. in the Kingdom."

"I've been through this too many times to let you kidnapp her again."

"You're the one with the weapon!"

3

A contingent of Koopa Troopas carefully stalked through a deserted desert street in Desert land. A strange two syllable sound was heard. Immediately, the Koopas were being thrown out of the way by a herd of rampaging Yoshi's.

4

"Attention all retainers.", Peach's voice called throughout the castle. "The intruder may be dressed in our own colors. Face check all personnel."

5

"This Sneaking Shell is the latest in polyfiber technology, reverse engineered from Buzzy Beatle and Spike Top.", the Magikoopa stated.

6

"Be careful. Those suspended platforms will start to drop as soon as you jump on it. Just a tip...from your Number 1 Fan."

7

"I'm a whole different game from Mario.", Luigi informed. "I'm slimmer-therefore faster, able to jump higher."

"I suppose it's just your bad luck that I'm out to prove something today."

8

"She's armed with Starman! None of your weapons will be able to do any damage. But a pit will be able to reducer her number of lives. It's not design flaw, it's gameplay."

9

Mario walked warily towards him. "You-a know who the real winner is? It's-a the loser:they get to leave the battlefield. It's-a the winner who'll get put in game after game..."

10

A Cyborg Ninja Hammer Brother turned to face the incoming multicolored dinosaurs. Just before the first one reached him, the Koopa lept entirely too far and landed behind a third. Running back to the front of the pack, his sword took out the first three. One of the Yoshi's jumped into the air above him and instantly stopped, flipping into a butt-stomp. The Koopa barely dodged to the tip of his toes letting the monster land a millimeter behind him into this sword.

A fifth lashed out with its tongue, catching on to the Cyborg Ninja Hammer Brother's shell. He grabbed the tongue with one hand, and put the sword to it with the other. Rushing forward, even that Yoshi fell.

The Cyborg Ninja Koopa's mask retracted automatically, revealing Roy Koopa-a Koopaling. "Now it's my turn to protect you."


End file.
